Short definition (1 line)
Convex decision making = choosing actions so that small, low-cost steps reliably increase expected reward — i.e., structure choices so the marginal benefit of each additional small “yes” grows, making earlier micro-commitments easy and later bigger commitments likely. Think: design the path of least resistance that naturally curves toward the outcome you want.
1) Why this idea is useful in flirting / starting conversations
Humans prefer low-cost, low-risk moves. If each small step feels increasingly rewarding, people are more likely to continue the sequence.
Convexity turns “maybe” into “yes” by making the next step feel better than the previous one (positive marginal utility).
For INTJs: it gives a mathematically-minded, repeatable method to build rapport, escalate attraction, and reduce rejection risk.
2) Psychology & neuroscience — why convex strategies work
Dopamine prediction error: small pleasant surprises (increasing rewards) create positive prediction errors that reinforce behavior; convex sequences amplify this.
Commitment & consistency: small initial yeses bias future choices toward consistency (Cialdini).
Loss aversion mitigation: by making costs tiny and benefits growing, you avoid triggering loss-avoidance.
Gradual trust (oxytocin): repeated small positive interactions release bonding chemistry.
Cognitive ease: successive easier-to-process steps reduce cognitive load and defensiveness — the brain prefers the path of least friction.
3) Core concepts & vocabulary (quick)
Convex payoff curve: marginal benefit increases with each step.
Micro-commitment: the smallest “yes” (emoji, short reply, 1-min chat).
Assumptive step: phrasing that assumes a next micro-yes is likely.
Friction: anything that raises cost (time, risk, cognitive load).
Escalation ladder: planned sequence of progressively larger asks.
Anchor & contrast: set expectations so small asks seem trivial then escalate.
Safety buffer: always provide opt-out to preserve agency.
4) When & where to use convex decision making
Use when you want to:
Turn texts into voice notes, voice notes into short meets.
Convert a casual contact to a repeat meet.
Lead group social energy to a one-on-one.
Don’t use when:
Someone signals “no” or clear discomfort.
High-stakes choices requiring honesty/explicit consent (medical/legal/serious commitments).
5) The Convex Sequence Framework — real-time recipe
Design an escalation ladder of 4–6 steps:
1. Step 0 — Passive Signal (0 cost)
Example: like a story, notice a profile photo.
2. Step 1 — Micro-Yes (very low cost)
Example: short emoji, “lol”, single-word reply.
3. Step 2 — Small Value Add
Example: one-line helpful tip, a meme relevant to them, or a 15–20s voice note.
4. Step 3 — Low-cost IRL test
Example: 15–20 min coffee or study swap. (A/B choice: Sat/Sun)
5. Step 4 — Medium commitment
Example: 1-hour hangout or shared activity.
6. Step 5 — High commitment
Example: regular meetup, dating.
Design the sequence so that perceived benefit of Step n+1 > Step n (or perceived risk drops), and friction remains tiny until Step 3.
6) Tactical moves to make outcomes convex (how to increase marginal benefit)
1. Add a small surprise at each step — make Step 2 slightly more enjoyable than Step 1 (a funny voice note, personalized meme).
2. Signal future value early — plant a small future anchor (“I know a cafe you’ll like”) so next step promises novelty.
3. Decrease friction for next step — give clear, easy options (A/B).
4. Use reciprocity — give then ask; returns make the next step feel attractive.
5. Time small wins wisely — cluster micro-wins so momentum grows in a short window (hours → days).
6. Contrast framing — present the small ask as trivial versus an obvious larger win (makes escalation natural).
7. Social proof or small testimonials — “my friends loved that place” reduces perceived risk.
7) Exact scripts & templates (copy-paste, INTJ-friendly)
Micro-yes templates (text)
“🔥 that pic — where is this?” (one-line interest)
“Haha — that made me laugh 😂” (emoji micro-yes)
“Quick test — sunrise or sunset?” (easy choice)
Small value (text/voice)
“I made a 1-minute summary of today’s class — want it?”
Voice note (20s): “Hey — that was a clever point you made; made me think about X.”
Low-cost IRL invite (A/B)
“15-min coffee after class — 4:15 or 5? No pressure.”
“I’ll be by the library steps at 6 — swing by for 10 mins if free?”
Escalation anchor (post-meet)
“That was fun — next time I’ll bring the playlist I mentioned. Sat or Sun?”
Repair/opt-out lines
“Totally fine if you’re busy — just thought I’d ask.”
“If that’s not your thing, we can keep it here.”
8) Beginner drills (Days 1–14) — build convex intuition
Map 5 people you casually know. For each, design a 4-step convex ladder (micro-yes → value → 15-min → 1-hr).
Micro-yes practice (daily): send 3 genuine one-line reactions (emoji or short question).
Value add practice: share 1 low-effort useful item (link, note, meme) to someone and note response.
Goal: make micro-yeses automatic and natural.
9) Intermediate drills (Weeks 3–6) — timing & compounding
A/B timing test: for similar recipients, try contacting morning vs evening; measure micro-yes rate.
Cluster micro-wins: give 2 small values in 48 hours then propose 15-min meet. Track conversion.
Reciprocity calibration: count how many micro-wins you give before you ask — aim for 1–2.
Metric to track: micro-yes → meet conversion %.
10) Advanced drills (Weeks 7–12) — personalization & optimization
Per-person convex mapping: create mini-profiles for 10 people; note which step they tended to accept and tweak ladder.
Prediction challenges: predict the minimal step needed to get a meet; test and update your priors (Bayesian).
Group momentum: start with group micro-wins (group meme/plan) then pull 1 person to 1:1 with a low-cost ask.
KPIs: conversion rate improvement, average steps to meet, time from first micro-yes to meet.
11) Measurement & simple spreadsheet fields
Columns: person | date first contact | micro-yeses | value sends | voice notes | invites sent | invites accepted | time to meet | notes/outcome
Useful derived metrics:
Micro-yes rate = micro-yeses / touches
Invite acceptance rate = accepted / invites sent
Average steps to meet
Track weekly and iterate.
12) Examples (campus flows)
Flow A — shy classmate
1. Like a study pic (micro-yes)
2. DM: “that summary was useful — can I send mine?” (value)
3. They accept → send 1-page summary (value)
4. Ask: “Quick 15-min to compare notes? 4/5?” → meet.
Flow B — playful contact
1. Send a meme (micro-yes)
2. She replies playful → voice note with a short challenge (value + novelty)
3. A/B close for small walk → meet
4. Post-meet: set small follow-up (playlist swap).
13) Pitfalls & how to avoid them
Over-optimizing for convexity → robotic sequences. Keep authenticity.
Rushing escalation → jumping too early breaks trust. Require ≥2 real reciprocations before IRL ask.
Too many touches → fatigue; space touches if responses diminish.
Value mismatch → giving irrelevant value feels spammy — personalize.
No opt-out → forces; always include low-pressure opt-out.
14) Ethics & consent (non-negotiable)
Convex strategies must preserve autonomy. Micro-yeses are not binding consents.
Never use convex framing to pressure sexual or financial decisions.
If someone shows discomfort, pause and offer space.
15) 60-day mastery plan (concise)
Phase 1 (Days 1–14) — Basics
Design 5 ladders; daily micro-yes practice; send small values. Log responses.
Phase 2 (Days 15–35) — Test & iterate
Run A/B timing tests; try cluster micro-wins → invite; aim for 3 conversions.
Phase 3 (Days 36–60) — Personalize & scale
Build profiles for 10 people; optimize ladders; host one small group event and convert 2–3 to 1:1 meets.
Weekly review: update spreadsheet and refine the most effective small signals.
16) Quick cheat-sheet (one-card before any approach)
1. Start with a 0-cost action (like, emoji, brief note).
2. Offer one tiny value within 24–48h.
3. Ensure next ask is low friction (15–20 min, choice A/B).
4. Make Step n+1 clearly better or equally easy than Step n.
5. Always include “no pressure”.
6. Log result & update your plan.
Example 20s flow: like → DM “That was a great point — want my 1-page summary?” → send → “Quick 15-min coffee — 4 or 5?”
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